We walked down the stairs and were greeted by a place more congested than St. Kilda's backline - probably with the footballing talent to match. Zac Dawson = a poor man's Jason Saddington! But that is off topic.
What then commenced is the most intense game of musical chairs that the world has ever seen - and not fun a game of musical chairs where everybody wins (like the one in that episode of the Simpsons where Bart gets placed in the remedial class in Cypress Creek) but one where every person that leaves the place has a swarm of people dive on their chair like Joel Selwood dives on the footy (except they are looking for a chair rather than a cheap free kick). My recommendation for people going to this place is to fight dirty!
I will just come out and say it.. the service was poor! I think this was the first time that the Fellow's handed out a Krispy Kreme donut for speed of service. This place made Arjuna Ranatunga look like Dwyane Leverock (minus the greatest catch in cricket history - youtube it if you haven't seen it).
The chips were as lifeless as a Mumbai cricket pitch, even more unfortunate is that lacked they heat of Mumbai (a place that brought you such cricketing royalty as Ajit Agarkar - the only test cricketer to score seven ducks in a row). The analogy that I would use to describe the chips would be that of Simon Wiggins - a bloke that Carlton continuously forgot to delist because he was so forgettable. Even worse was that the sauce came in the bottom half of a shot glass - although I have seriously thought about sipping smokey BBQ on the rocks - this was not ideal.
The burger itself was really good. The patty was spilling out over the edge of the bun (picture the gut hanging out of Derek Kickett's shorts), was cooked well, well seasoned and had a rustic texture (even though one of the fellow's doesn't actually know what texture means). One positive is that they didn't waste time with greenery - a few julienne's of iceberg was about it. My favourite part of the burger was the mustard - the kind of mustard you spread on your Christmas ham on toast. All up, the burger worked as a whole despite being disadvantaged by the side dishes around it and the overall set up (Gary Ablett much?).
Following the usual lively Political discussion that has become expected of the sacred gatherings of the Fellows, we began to talk about which sports person this burger reminded us of. One person that came to mind was Brent Stanton as he delivers when there aren't any people around him, but he is no good in traffic (this is reference to the poor speed of service during congested times). However, as this is an Olympic year - a year in which the best athletes in the world come together to see who can get their hands on the world's least detectable forms of performance enhancing substances - I thought an Australian Olympian would be more fitting. Therefore, I have chosen Australia's number 3 man, Daniel Kowalski. Much like the perennial bridesmaid's bridesmaid, Strange Wolf were technically very good, but just slower than their main rivals.
In conclusion, I would go back for the burger, but not for anything else.
Which brings me to this week's burger Friday life lesson - God is just Dog backwards, so have a laugh instead!
Burger Friday Rating: 32.67/50